Pardon me, but I eavesdrop on conversations. Not always intentionally, but I can’t help myself when I attend farm or livestock shows and events. Case in point: My ears got their fill during a recent Hereford cattle tour.

As my husband, Terry, and I wandered from pen to pen and pasture to pasture, I was so thankful humans are not usually labeled the same way as cattle.

Here are 13 comments I heard at random as we walked around at the tour. I assume they were talking about the cattle — they better have been. I’ve added my thoughts after I heard each comment.

1. “We are just here to size them up.”

I already know my size.

2. “Thar’s a pretty heifer!”

So glad I’m not one.

YES, WE’RE TALKING ABOUT YOU! If this animal looks less than thrilled, it has a right to. People walking the aisles at cattle shows make all kinds of comments!

3. “Fertility is the most important trait in production.”

Really?

4. “Those girls need garlic to get rid of their flies.”

Try tying a bag of garlic around their necks.

5. “I wonder if she has been flushed yet?”

Are you kidding?

6. “Do they use IVF, ET or EPD?”

I don’t know what “they” use, but I personally like Chanel No. 5. (OK, guys, it’s a perfume!)

7. “This will be a battle of the bulls at the auction today.”

I’d rather battle at an antique auction.

8. “How’s his performance?”

I’m not touching that one.

9. “There’s just too much front end on it.”

Excuse me? Speak for yourself!

10. “Does she throw low birth rates?”

I hope not.

11. “How long has he been banded?”

I’m not touching that one either! Sometimes silence is the better part of valor.

12. “Gotta watch that back fat!”

Thanks so much for noticing.

13. “Cattle are not lawn ornaments!”

I think they are!

At least I didn’t hear measurements asked for!

Hayhurst writes from Terre Haute.