Kendra
It’s graduation time, and it’s possible some of you are lamenting that your “hands-on parenting” adventure is coming to an end. That little guy or girl who arrived 18 years ago is likely headed for an independent adventure.

John
Mom and Dad, you won’t be as involved as you have been in previous years. No more cheering at games. No more high school musicals or plays. No more church youth group — at least not for your soon-to-be graduate. And if your son or daughter is leaving home, chances are you’ll be losing one of your best “hired” hands.

I have to admit, Kendra was more melancholy than I was when son No. 1 headed to college. My goal from the beginning was to be certain the boys would be ready when the time came. 

I did my best to teach them the value of hard work, that there are consequences (positive or negative) for decisions made, that you can only spend a dollar once, that saving and giving are both important, and that you can do more than you think you can.

Raising the kids on the farm made those life lessons easier to teach. The boys had responsibilities with accountability from an early age. 

Kendra
Before our first son headed to the University of Illinois, I taught him a few things, too — like how to operate the washer and dryer and the importance of separating whites from other colors so everything did not end up resembling a drab shade of pavement.

When the time came to take our eldest to college, it was difficult for me, especially as we drove away from campus. After all, it was a big change, and I was having a lot of fun with things the way they were.

John
Two years later, his brother headed to U or I and it was a little easier for Kendra. She’d convinced herself that the two of them would watch out for one another. Obviously, she knew she’d miss her second son, but she didn’t put his picture on every flat surface in the house. (Yes, that’s what she had done two years before.)

Four years after that, the youngest headed for the same campus. By that time, we had learned three things: First, they don’t leave forever. In our case, they simply relocated within easy traveling distance in case either one of them was desperate for Kendra’s chili or needed a break from the noise of the fraternity. Second, when we offered to travel to Champaign and take them to dinner, they accepted the invitation with a hungry smile. And third, they had learned the most important thing: that God loved them even more than we did.

Kendra
I cried (just a little) when No. 1 moved into his dorm room. I handled it better when No. 2 joined No. 1 in his fraternity, and as we pulled away after helping #No. 3 move into his room, it suddenly dawned on me — Oh no! I haven’t taught him anything about laundry.  Oh well, I thought, he’s not stupid. He’ll figure it out.

That Christmas, I gave John a frame filled with fun family pictures and a poem I had written. The words chronicled the adventures and joy we had experienced throughout our life together thus far. And the very last stanza was undoubtedly the most significant, indicating my ability to handle change.

Now Jonathan’s in college,
And once again we find,
We’re back to just the two of us
And really … we don’t mind!

John and Kendra Smiley farm near East Lynn, Ill. Email [email protected], or visit kendrasmiley.com.