You — of course — aren’t infected by “machinery madness syndrome.” But you can see plenty of symptoms in other tillers of the earth — heavy-metal users. Recognize anybody?

• Barn Bette strolled into Koffee Klutchers sporting a huge grin: “Got me a farmer’s Corvette,” she bragged, nodding her head toward the parking lot.

We all looked out the window. Sure enuf, it was a jacked-up, rear-dualed beaut with more bells, whistles and chrome than a humble farmer could afford.

“Will it do 0 to 60 in 6 seconds?” wondered I.M. Dum.

“Nope,” replied Bette, “but it’ll pull 16,000 pounds up my muddy hill.”

“Can, eh,” giggled Country Boy Eddie. “Don’t see no mud.”

• “Whyzit farmers love red, green and blue?” wondered I.R. Bucksnot.

“I’d tell ya,” replied Corn Head Cal, “but you wouldn’t understand.”

• Littleburg’s Fourth of July parade was a real color splash of tractors. “Didja ride red, white and blue wheels?” queried Fridge.

“Yep … with a big splotch of green,” replied Ol’ JD.

• Whoever thinks farmers aren’t sentimental hasn’t seen the old dust-collecting tractors in farm machine sheds. Some are way more sentimental than others.

Birdsong is a pen name for a Farm Progress editor.