Kendra: I don't typically make New Year's Resolutions, but I do try to pay attention and resolve to do things differently when I discover a better way. That happened when John and I hosted our second Thanksgiving dinner for members of his extended family.

John: My dad died in September of 2014. That November was the first time we invited the whole crew to our home for Thanksgiving – my siblings, their children, their children's children, and of course my mom. It would prove to be quite a houseful but I remember thinking, "How hard can this be?"

Is there a better way in 2016? Our Home Front columnists think so. (Thinkstock/Nebari)

I already know what you're thinking. "Really, John? You really think throwing this big party is going to be easy?" I have to admit, it was more difficult than I first imagined.

Kendra: Yes, it was! John's a big help when it comes to cooking for a larger group, but the closer it got to time for the dinner prayer, the more the heat went up (and I'm not talking about the temperature of the oven). Two cooks in the kitchen were one too many that day.

John: The close quarters weren't the biggest issue. We'd talked about precisely when we wanted to serve the dinner and when that time rolled around, my potatoes were mashed and piping hot. But Kendra's gravy was still a work in progress and the rolls hadn't even gone into the oven.

Kendra: You'd think after working together during planting and harvest for two years, we'd have honed our ability to work together to prepare this Thanksgiving meal. That was not the case in 2014. 

Now on to a brighter note: Thanksgiving 2015. We'd invited the same group of individuals to our home and the count had risen to 31. Because we were both aware of the mistake that's often made - doing the same thing and expecting a different outcome - we decided to have a serious conversation weeks before the cooking began. 

John: That's when I pointed out that Kendra had lied the year before when she agreed to have everything ready to serve at our specified time. Amazingly, she was not offended by my accusation. She admitted she didn't really think it was all that important and so, in her own words, she agreed with me while knowing the food she was responsible for may or may not be ready on time. Sneaky, huh?

Kendra: Yes, guilty as charged.  Being on time is not unimportant to me in most areas, but I will admit I'm easily distracted by fun people and that's precisely who came to the party. 

After smiling and taking responsibility for my deception in 2014, we proceeded to work out a plan for the upcoming feast. I carefully mapped out the timetable and made a legitimate commitment to do my best to follow it. John seemed relieved and I'm sure he secretly hoped I could actually pull it off.

John: Pull it off she did; everything went like clockwork. I attribute our increased ability to resolve the problem to our honest conversation and perhaps to one more year of farming together.

Kendra: So since we discovered a better way, here's my resolution. In 2016, I hereby resolve to be honest in the conversation as we establish a time line – for working in the field or in the kitchen – and negotiate rather than nodding in pretend agreement. 

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