The farmer wanna-bes and has-beens down at Koffee Klutchers were glum the other morn. Tractor pulling season is winding down, and the fresh tank of fuel for bantering their color and model prejudices was nearly empty. So they turned to this:

• “Last week’s pull out at the church was only for the oldies,” grumbled Country Boy Eddie. “Only repaints, no paints, rebuilds plus a few chrome wheels — nothing a good team of horses couldn’t drag away.”

• Old farmers cling to their old tractors “as a manhood symbol,” added Barn Bette. “It deludes ’em into thinking ‘I’ve still got the power.’”

• “It’s easy to get caught up with ‘bigger is better’ — bigger tractors, bigger choppers, bigger barns,” chided Cornhead Cal. “Then comes ‘shorter in cash.’”

• “That’s why we start small,” countered C.M. Duck, “with first-toy tractors made for babies.”

• Phil Osifer shut down the conversation with this: “Once you’re addicted to tractors, the only way to recover from it is to die. Death comes faster than rust.”

Birdsong is a pen name for a Farm Progress editor.