Down at Koffee Klutchers, Phil Osifer shared these tips for preserving domestic tranquility and avoiding marital spats and subsequent lawyer visits:

• The “sugar” you’re supposed to sprinkle is guaranteed non-fattening, has no calories and won’t rot your teeth, so use it liberally.

• The Lord gave us two ears and only one mouth. Use ’em proportionately, except when it comes to your spouse. In that case, jack it up to three to one — and pray.

• God created men and women different to keep life from getting boring. Roll with it.

• When a wife asks, “How many times have I asked you to …?”, the only correct answer is: “Was just getting ready to do that.”

• Never try to kiss while eating sweet corn.

• Finally, consider this from 80-something Uncle Herbie: “I still appreciate the feminine form. But in most cases, there’s far more to see than should be seen.” Works both ways, Herbie.

Birdsong is a pen name for a Farm Progress editor.