Kendra
It was time to make a quick stop at the grocery store, and our granddaughter Ava went with me.  She and her family live in Buffalo, N.Y., nine hours away, so even going to the store together borders on a fun adventure with Grandma KK.

John
After the two of them returned home, I asked Ava how the grocery store run had gone, and her comment didn’t surprise me. “It was fun,” she said. “Grandma KK sure has a lot of friends!”

I knew exactly what she was referring to. There was no doubt in my mind that Kendra had said a friendly “Hello,” and maybe even more, to everyone she and Ava saw as they went up and down the aisles. That’s just the way God made her.

Kendra
John and I often speak together on the topics of marriage and/or parenting at conferences. More than once John has taken the opportunity to share with the audience one of our fundamental personality differences. His exact words are these: “Kendra is here making new friends. I like all of you, but you wear me out.”

Inevitably, if it’s a conference attended by married folks, couples will glance at each other and smile. Yes, it’s true — very often, opposites attract.

John
Kendra and I recognized our differences almost immediately after we were married. And within the next year or so, we also recognized that using our God-given personalities as an excuse was not legitimate.

For example, at a speaking engagement, the crowd may wear me out, but I don’t attempt to retreat. We’re at that gathering to encourage and equip people in their marriages and parenting efforts, and withdrawing from the action is not an option.

Likewise, Kendra has learned to temper her enthusiasm for making new friends so she’s able to concentrate on answering the questions of more than one person in attendance.

Kendra
It’s too easy to use personality weaknesses as an excuse. “Of course I was late. I was visiting with a friend.”  Or, “Of course I don’t want to go to that party. Just the thought makes me tired.” (I’m guessing you can tell which excuse belongs to which one of us.)

John
A weakness is actually a strength carried to extreme. Kendra’s ability to make friends was once termed her “fastball” by our youngest son, a former University of Illinois pitcher. And my steady, predictable behavior can prove valuable at times, especially when it comes to responding rather than reacting to a situation.

One other important point is this: Marrying someone whose temperament/personality is different from yours can actually help you develop some of your mate’s strengths.

Kendra
True. I’ve learned the importance of being an adult when necessary, and John has learned the art of being more playful.

I can’t give you a specific example of my progress, but John’s transformation was reported to our middle son by his daughter. Katelyn, only 6 years old at the time, was giving her parents a play by play of the day and evening we took our six eldest grandkids (six little girls) camping. Their parents arrived the next day to camp and enjoy the official family reunion. The highlight of Katelyn’s report: “It was amazing to be camping for a whole night with NO GROWN-UPS!”

Were there grown-ups? Evidently not. Just two fun, older folks — Grandma KK and Grandpa John (who was impersonating a non-adult and obviously doing it very successfully)!

John and Kendra Smiley farm near East Lynn, Ill. Email [email protected], or visit kendrasmiley.com.