There’s been quite a lot of talk among my Gen X cohorts about family inheritances and heirlooms here lately.

Many of us have aging parents who are downsizing, leading to discussions over who gets the wedding china, the linens, the old tools and all the rest of the stuff that the previous generations handed down to be cherished.

At the same time, our generation also has its own clutter to contend with. I, myself, have enough obsolete electronic products to start a RadioShack. If that was still a viable business model.

However, I’m still much more fortunate than my millennial and Gen Z colleagues, who often can’t afford to own a home and therefore are moving from rental to rental, and clutter is a luxury that isn’t in their cards just yet. If you’re couch surfing or sharing a rental with four other young adults, do you really have room for Great-Grandma’s silver or Great Uncle Louey’s coin collection?

We live in a much different time than our ancestors. No one is picking out wedding china patterns that will just sit in a cupboard and gather dust. Not when they can buy plates at the dollar store down the street that will survive a toddler and a teenager. Besides, who wants to open up a box of shards after a cross-country move for your career?

What was once treasured history is now a dreaded obligation for so many.

All this to emphasize, friends, if you’re in a position where you have family items to pass along, and you’re just assuming your children and grandchildren will treasure it all after you’re gone, that is highly unlikely to be the case. So, it’s better to have a plan to pass those items along to those who will value them as much as you do.

The University of Minnesota Extension has a workbook and program called “Who Gets Grandma’s Yellow Pie Plate?” It walks families through the inheritance process and how they might anticipate and respond to conflicts that may arise. Ask at your local Kansas State University Research and Extension office for a local trainer and materials if you’re interested.

Cleaning process

Some tactics you might want to keep in mind if you’re planning on passing along your treasures:

Start the conversation today. Talk with your family about your wishes and decisions for gifting items. And if someone expresses that they aren’t in a position to accept those items, then honor that and find a different home for that item. The more transparent and open you are here, the better off your family will be in the long run.

Start gifting items now, while you’re still around. I have a friend whose grandmother gave the grandchildren pieces of her special collection for holiday and birthday gifts. Her grandmother was able to thoughtfully and methodically start the process, and the family members were able to better appreciate the gift.

Tell the stories now. We have started doing this in our own family. As we’ve helped my parents pack up items for storage, we’ve had our mom sit and tell us what she remembers about each item. We write that on a note, and tape it to the bottom of the item before it gets packed away. To someone who doesn’t know the story, it may just be a gravy boat — but with her note we know that it’s one of the few things that survived a wagon ride to Kansas. 

Record the stories. Better yet, set aside time to record the stories and family history of these items using the audio recording app on your smartphone. Or take a video of your family at the kitchen table talking about family history and stories. Share these files with family over a Google Drive folder, or another file sharing storage service.

Finally, and I know this is tough for generations who’ve saved everything out of fear and necessity, make peace with the fact that your family may not want or appreciate your treasured collections. If that’s the case, find a home for that collection with your friends, or arrange to donate the items to a local museum for a tax write-off, or consider selling them now — and using the money to do something you enjoy or that’s on your bucket list.

Remember, the ultimate goal of passing things on is to leave a bit of yourself with people you love. Just make sure it’s something they’ll keep and appreciate.