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I never figured getting old would be like this


For us guys, aging appears to be the occurrence one physical insult after another, topped off by a series of uncompromising mental dilemmas. For example, you know you’re getting old when:

 Intense physical activity once a week is not enough to provide a benefit, but exercising twice a week just doesn’t allow your body time to recover.

 One slice of chocolate pie weighing less than 8 ounces will somehow result in a 3-pound weight gain.

 You can no longer “play your way into shape.” This is for us former athletes, and I use that term loosely. Your doctor doesn’t even suggest you step up your exercise regimen. “Try eating smaller portions,” he says.

 You remember when you were young and you’d complain about how you looked when you first got up in the morning? Getting old means you look like that all the time now.

 You probably can’t pull off a swan dive or a jackknife anymore, but chances are you can compete magnificently in a cannonball contest. Good thing too. Entertainment to a grandkid is not a pretty dive. It’s all about volatility and water displacement.

Don’t worry though. We may have floaters in our eyes, fallen arches, allergies, post-nasal drip, a sciatic nerve that won’t quit, and we’re losing the battle with gravity. But being a day older is really not a bad thing, especially when we consider the alternative.

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