Farm Progress

‘Old-fashioned’ romance in the pasture and the rules of ‘engagement’‘Old-fashioned’ romance in the pasture and the rules of ‘engagement’

February 16, 2016

4 Min Read
<p>Slater and Miranda enjoy quality time during their pasture date.</p>

While other ranchers praise the efficiency of artificial insemination, we have found that our livestock are more old-fashioned when it comes to ranch romance.

In keeping with that biological tradition, breeding season continues to showcase dating and mating dynamics that cross more than just fence boundaries.

When your herd bulls are rocking names like Stoney, Bear, Ace, Thor, Ballz, Jake, Boo-Boo, Ray, Slater, Marvin, Prince, Zip, Maxwell, Pendleton, Porter and Reggie (which may sound more like a casting call for the next reality TV show or the starting line-up for the next SEC Championship team), you know that the responsibility to breed every cow that comes into heat this season is covered by someone.

Whether the cows always agree with this coverage is another issue. The two camps seem to have opposing views on the rules of engagement.

Bull appear to have only one rule: breed as many cows as possible regardless of when and where. This still allows their individual mating styles ample play time.

Gentleman Suitor

Young Stoney is always respectful of his potential mates. He politely asks them on romantic strolls through the countryside and plans for sufficient alone time for getting to know each cow. His version of The Bachelor can backfire though when more aggressive cows eat his share of the feed.

Smooth Operator

Jake, whom we affectionately refer to as “Midnight Rider,” is so keen in his heat detection and so crafty in his escapades that he can jump multiple fences in a night to breed a cow a mile away, then jump back into his original pasture, leaving no sign of the misdemeanor. His offspring show up months later in another bull’s herd, out of season.

Bigger Is Better

Less stealthy than Jake, Bear regularly decides to push through fences at inopportune moments, mainly because he’s too fat to hop over them. The electric fence doesn’t even phase him. Despite tending to the cows that might come into heat in his herd, he feels a burning desire to take care of ones in the adjacent pasture during special holidays or right before sundown. Because we prefer not to hear the honeymoon hooting all night, Rachel and I usually round up the love birds and check them into Hotel Catchpen for the evening.

We can’t help but laugh when overly-fat Bear lets out a huge grunt and uses all of his energy just to mount the little cows. Occasionally he finishes his business earlier than anticipated and wants to be turned back into his original pasture as night falls. The tired recipients of Bear’s love just lick his face and smile, “Get ready to cuddle all night, Fat Boy.”

Ladies deal with the chaos

The ladies do their best to maintain order amidst the chaos. Outnumbering the bulls in their logical matriarchal society, the cows have devised three simple rules to help the freshman heifers keep their sanity when breeding season rolls around.

  1. Stay Selective

There is always more than one bull from which to choose. The look on Miranda’s face was priceless last year when enthusiastic little Ray chased her up and down every hill in their pasture until he successfully left a sticky mess for her to showcase in shame until the next rain. After consulting with my sister this year, Miranda is able to be more selective in her suitors, preferring an extended courtship from gentleman Slater, complete with sunsets, nap time and lots of grooming.

  1. Stay in Good Condition

This becomes increasingly important as you age. Blessed 71 (who is close to 20 years old) is not about to miss her ranch accommodations for another year. She keeps her condition year-round and regardless of what bull is available, she somehow manages to look just as youthful as the young cows when it is her time to breed. And when she calves, you can bet her little one will be on an early exercise plan with mom, constantly being hidden in the woods while mom goes back and forth for feed.

  1. Stay Balanced

Regardless of the utilitarian nature of the breeding season, heifers should be reminded that they will spend more time with each other than with the messy, dirty, feed-hogging bulls. Keeping that perspective helps them learn that the sisterhood is the true source of support—from legitimate danger detection to free babysitting. Also, any decisions made by herd bulls can be easily overridden. Case in point: when the bulls try to herd you away from the gate as you await your morning meal, all it takes is one brave sister breaking past the ridiculous shenanigans, and the rest of the herd will follow.

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