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A veteran farmer says if you give flowers for the right reason, it lets your spouse know you care.

January 3, 2019

3 Min Read
roses
THOUGHT COUNTS: If you give roses or whichever flowers your spouse prefers to say “I love you,” it’s a great way to remind that person you haven’t forgotten about them and everything they do. Aniya4you/Getty Images

Joy McClain makes a valid point in her latest Joy’s Reflections column, which will appear on this website on Saturday. The farmer’s daughter and mother of four says that while giving your spouse roses on Valentine’s Day or taking them to dinner is nice, it doesn’t define a marriage. And it doesn’t really tell them how deeply you love them. It’s what you do the other 364 days of the year that truly sends the message. The little things you do — the things that aren’t as nice-smelling and pretty as flowers or as tasty as a gourmet meal — are what register your true commitment and love.

Check out Joy’s comments. She makes her case much better than I could. In the meantime, there is another side to the story.

I don’t own a flower shop, though I do help grow and sell flowers for the local FFA alumni chapter, which is a nonprofit organization. But I learned a long time ago from a very sharp farmer that once in a while, it’s important to give your spouse flowers.

Flower farmer
Garland Antrim, Madison County, Ind., makes it almost a crusade to encourage other farmers and anyone he knows to remember to send flowers to those they love. Whenever I’ve seen him over the years, he asks me the last time I sent my wife flowers. I would be disappointed if he didn’t ask!

I’ve mentioned his crusade before. To be fair, though, his point isn’t to give fancy roses for Valentine’s Day. His point is that you ought to give your spouse flowers now and then just because, for no special reason at all. The point is really the same as Joy’s — you do it because you love your spouse.

My wife happens to like carnations. Yes, Garland, it’s been probably too long since I brought her home a fragrant bouquet, but when I do, it’s my way of saying not only “I love you,” but also “I appreciate you. I remember that you’re there — that you like nice things and to be surprised once in a while. I’m thinking about you.” Who doesn’t like someone to think about them in a loving way?

Rest of the story
I also remember talking with another farmer many years ago. Unfortunately, his spouse had decided to leave. Looking back, the farmer realized they had grown apart. They started living their own lives and stopped thinking about each other. They didn’t get medicine for each other when one of them was sick, as Joy defines love, and they didn’t bring home flowers for any reason. They took each other for granted — until it was too late.

That sparked a lengthy article on how to keep your marriage together. The 1980s were still lingering, and if you survived that era, you know it was a tough time on the farm. I still remember one piece of advice the minister interviewed in the story provided: “Even when you don’t feel loving toward your spouse on a given day, act loving. Do acts of kindness for them. Pretty soon they just might return the favor.”

Sometimes that might be giving them flowers — on Valentine’s Day, Groundhog Day or any old day. You give them just because — just because you want them to know you still care!

Comments? Email [email protected].

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