February 6, 2021
Watermelons are known for being colorful, messy and a favorite summer picnic staple. So, who would have thought to use watermelons as face masks while robbing a store?
Yup, two bandits took the time to hollow out the vegetable and carve out holes for their eyes and (block)heads. The creative criminals are suspected of stealing from a Virginia convenience store, according to a Louisa, Va., news report in May.
I wonder what gave them the juicy idea. Perhaps they were hungry, but the watermelon didn’t satisfy them, so they stole to complete their meal. Or they couldn’t find Lone Ranger masks, so they went with what they had in their garden. They could have read up on Greek orator Demosthenes, who wore a watermelon as a fighting helmet.
If they were resourceful to use the watermelons for this heist, maybe they’ll use the melon’s cousin, the pumpkin, to plan a second melee. I’m sure we’ll never know what provoked them to make such fools of themselves.
A local authority gave points for ingenuity. “In a time like this, you could have worn any kind of mask, but to come up with a watermelon! But it wasn’t super shocking being out here in Louisa. We’ve always had some crazy new stories going around.”
The thieves might have planned to pluck one of the melons off their head to use as their getaway loot bucket. We don’t know what the authorities meted out for punishment, but I think the suspects should have been sentenced to work with watermelon growers, planting and harvesting the heavy vegetable. Finally, their community could name the culprits grand marshals of the upcoming community Watermelon Parade.
Hayhurst writes from Terre Haute, Ind.
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