Just for kicks, I took Pop to Ol’ Timers Club. Conversations were a real scream – mostly because half of ‘em couldn’t hear so good. Listen in to some of their conversations.

* “Remember back when . . .,” began Old Ted, who was interrupted by Old Fred who sed, “Nope.”

* “I remember when I drove my first 630,” recalled Ol’ JD, and he added, “It’s antiquated compared to today!" 

“Whadaya mean antiquated?” growled Ted. “I’m still driving it!”

Clueless Fred wondered: “This was supposed to start at 6:30?” 

* “All my friends are getting younger,” grinned A.C.. “That’d be good, unless you’re my age.”

JD is having a tough time being retired.

* "Never use the word 'buried' around old people," grumbled JD. "Makes me nervous."

* “I’ve met many an antique farmer,” added A.C, “but never a retired one. We change our job descriptions to keep busy and keep others from thinking we’re dying off.”

* Word quickly spread around the room that Vic, the vet, got into real trouble last weekend when he grumbled to his wife: “Our marriage doesn’t ‘spark’ like it useta.”

“Honey,” she replied, “starting your spark now takes a blow torch. And it ain’t worth the work.”

* Commiserating with the bunch, Phil Osifer sed:  "The older we get, the faster time goes . . . along with our money and our minds."

* Sitting across the table from his old high school flame, Pop whispered: “We’ve gotta stop meetin’ like this.”

Nodding, she whispered back: “Oh, we will . . . sooner or later.”

Take-home lessons

Keep saying it: "I am not old! I'm rustic!" Say it enuf times, maybe you’ll start believing it.

I’ve resolved to never give in to old age. I’d rather die first.

Finally, older folks need to quit apologizing for not using computers and smart phones. Every computer loses its memory at least once in its useful lifetime. Your noggin only loses it once! And smartphones are pre-loaded with content you won’t use and can’t get rid of. How smart’s that!?